I was humiliated and had let my family down. It went on for about six months, and then one day, I found myself praying to a God I vaguely knew to let me die.
#JOSHUA BROOM FREE#
The additional free time that came with being a big contract star and extra money didn’t lessen the pain. The first time I did the things you would do to make one of these movies left me feeling incredibly ashamed. The idea of doing gay porn and the new level of fame, the money, the praise, and the attention all somehow made logical sense to me. I never was attracted to guys, but they were to me.
So, I continued to say yes to the desires and the need to be accepted. But, I truly believed that I had ruined my life to the point of no return. The level of manipulation by agents, directors, and all those around me was suddenly apparent. The shame and guilt rose to a point where I wasn’t numb to what I was doing anymore. I went from being proud of the awards I kept on a shelf in my living room to embarrassed realizing what I had done with my life. My friends saw that, which led to my uncles, aunts, grandparents, mom, and every person I knew. I had won performer of the year and even starred on the AVN Awards Show on Showtime. several years later, I had done over 1,000. I did one film, and then another, and then another. I was manipulated into believing I was going to fulfill my destiny. Next thing I knew, I was signing a contract with the most prominent adult agency, and I was promised endless fame and fortune, which made me feel seen. I had watched porn a lot, and it seemed exciting to be part of that industry. They were talking about pornographic movies. I had done various modeling and acting jobs since I was 15, and I had aspirations of that becoming my career. I was making a decent amount of money there, and then one night, a group of girls asked me if I had ever considered acting. Luckily, I found a job working at a restaurant/bar to make enough money to share an apartment with someone I didn’t even know. When arriving in Los Angeles, I stayed in a hotel for the first few days, and then, I found myself buying a wrap at McDonald’s, where my debit card was declined for insufficient funds. Wrong turn after wrong turn somehow aligned with me quitting college, selling my jeep, and finding myself getting off a plane in Los Angeles, California. But, there was always something inside me that caused me to cheat on girlfriends, leave friends hanging, not show up, and find any way I could to self-destruct any opportunity or relationship I had in my life. I partied hard, I joined a frat, I hooked up with as many girls as I could, and I worked part-time jobs along the way. Like a lot of people, I embraced the freedom that came with college. I had friends I played sports and eventually went to college. It caused me to outwork most people, but it also made it so hard to believe in myself. My feelings of rejection both scared me and fueled me. There was a two-sided coin of that, though, because as resilient as I was, I equally felt inadequate, incapable, and overlooked. My mom was a fighter, and I am alive today because she instilled in me an attitude of mental fortitude that did not allow me to give up. We moved into government housing, and then eventually some nicer apartments. Unfortunately, that same man physically and mentally abused me under the influence of heavy drugs, which left us broken, poor, and abandoned yet again. My mother and I lived with her parents and siblings until she met a man who swept her off her feet. My mom gave birth to me when she was 16, and even though I lived in the same city as my father, we did not have a relationship as I grew up. I grew up in a small town outside of Charlotte, North Carolina. Some may have thought that I had it all, but during this time I was close to taking my life. My name is Joshua Broome, and I have been in over 1,000 pornographic films, won various awards, traveled the world, and grossed over a million dollars.
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